Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
