Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
