the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
