Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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