none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
