All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
