I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
