There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
