Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
