how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
