i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
