Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
