This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
