Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
4 words: hood of his car
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
