I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He has the fingertips of a God
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
