youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
