you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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