I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
