Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
