I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
