I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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