Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
