yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
