she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
