I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just high enough for therapy.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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