If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
