I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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