Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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