Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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