You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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