May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
