Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
