Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
