What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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