You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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