You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
