How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
