Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
