Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
