At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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