k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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