She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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