I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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