Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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