Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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