I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
