Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
