It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
