I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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