Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
