You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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