I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
