think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
