just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
