Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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